“Love does no wrong to a neighbour; therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.” (Romans 13:10)
“Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.” (Correta Scott King)
What typically happens when people disagree with each other is that the one who is upset says nothing to the person who has caused the upset. But the angry person does talk to his or her friends and supporters and begins to gather sympathetic ears for a message that the other person has done the injured party wrong. For now, the person who is now being vilified has no idea that he or she has done anything to anyone. Then when the problem ultimately comes to a head, the original issue has either been completely forgotten or has morphed into something entirely different than the slight it started as. Meanwhile, the person who started it all with some relatively minor act has become a major villain, – simply from the power of bad feelings, innuendo and accusations, simmering over time. This is precisely what Jesus talks about in today’s gospel.
If I was asked what my wife would say if she found out that I was having an affair, Joanne would probably ask – as I look up from a pool of my own blood on the floor – “How do you reload this thing?” Although clearly a joke, it is unfortunately the way many of us handle our disagreements with others. We may not literally settle them with firearms, but we also don’t try to reach reconciliation. We wait in ambush until we can be sure of ‘winning the war.’ And this is a model that is absolutely not acceptable to Jesus Christ.
Today’s Gospel gives us some real concrete step-by-step instructions from Jesus with regard to how we should handle conflict. In this passage Jesus lays out a step-by-step plan for how one Christian should handle a disagreement with another member of the community.
How do I respond when I feel sinned against by another? Do we bind another to us with our anger or resentment? Or do we strive to let the hurt, anger or jealousy go by talking with the individual? The gift is we can always change our automatic responses to certain situations. It typically takes a concerted effort. It is so easy to slip back into old patterns.
Do you wish to change those automatic responses? It is possible to do if we keep alert and mindful. If we choose to do this, then we have a conscious choice to make. We may begin to realize that we are happier and freer. In this process we not only may have freed the individual who sinned against us, but we may have also freed ourselves from the pain, anger, and hurt that we have been carrying.
Today, ask yourself: “What is the pain, hurt, frustration that I am carrying? Am I ready to let it go? I pray you are.
From my experience in prison ministry forgiveness is the aspect of Jesus’ ministry that we humans have the most trouble following. It is part of our human nature; when someone wrongs us, we want to get them back, and make them feel how they made us feel.
You see, no matter how much harm may come to the person who has committed a wrong and is then ambushed by people because of what they have done, it is the person who was originally wronged, the one against whom a sin was committed, who suffers irreparable harm if there is no forgiveness. The one who asks for forgiveness goes on, once the forgiveness is requested. That person has done what he or she can do by asking forgiveness. It is the person who refuses to forgive who continues to suffer.
Some of you might have heard of a country song entitled, “Anyway” by Martina McBride. It reminds us of how we are to treat each other as Christians, and it also sums up how and why Jesus wants us to resolve conflicts. I’d like to share some of its lyrics as I close my message:
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered, Love them anyway.
If you are good, people will accuse you of ulterior motives, Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable, Be honest and frank anyway.
People really need help, but may attack you if you help them, Help them anyway.
In the final analysis, it’s between you and God, it was never between you and them anyway.
Dear God, please help us to learn to forgive, even when society tells us the best thing to do is get even. Grant us patience and understanding and help us act out of love and kindness rather than hate and anger. Grant us peace and give us more forgiveness than we think we need. In your name we pray, Amen.
-Dcn. Terry Murphy